Verbal and Nonverbal Communication Around Me

Different culture have different system of meaning or language, which makes it difficult or even impossible to understand each other. Depend on Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis, language “constructs” or creates our social reality (Wahyuni,2009:2). Different family also have different culture to construct or create its social reality. So many values that parents give or teach to their children to make their own culture. This values will be a habitual that practiced every day in each family. That’s how they are create each reality. Those values can be given with various way. It can be nonverbal and verbal communication too.

Nonverbal or non-worded communication includes all communication beyond the spoken or written word. Nonverbal vocabularies are related to contexts (relational, cultural, social, professional and organisational, etc.). Visual communication includes non-worded communication media such as logos, symbols, icons, tables and graphs, photographs, drawings, diagrams, and more. Nonverbal messages are powerful and can contradict or change worded messages they accompany. In face-to-face communication, up to 93% of the message may be in nonverbal signals. Because nonverbal signals are so important, we must pay attention to them (Wahyuni,2009:3).     

Nonverbal communication can be known by some oral nonverbal conventions. For examples (Wahyuni,2009:7-13):

•      Eye contact

Eye contact is a subtle nonverbal convention. It has profound meanings. Meanings can be quite different in different cultures.

•      Facial expressions

Facial expressions are communicate feelings with words or instead of words. Some feelings are not appropriate to show in some cultures (anxiety, anger, disappointment).

•      Gestures

Three types of gestures are head movement, arm and hand movement, and posture. Speakers and listeners may use head nods to mean they are confirming the words.

•      Touching

A widespread example of touching is the handshake. Other touching involves arm and shoulder contact, embraces, kisses and ritual behaviour.

When I was a child, my mother always told me to be careful with foreigner. Even it had been happen until this right time. Especially when someone unknown has urgency in my house. It’s such a sales agent, beggar or poorman, even some peoples from several unknown institution. So much unknown person come to my house and make my family feel disturbed. Then my mother told me do not open the gate and just let the unknown person enter my house before we really know about that person.

In several first months I moved from my old house in Bantul to Sleman, my family really felt uncomfort with some unknown guest that came to my house. Many of them are sales agent. They offered some goods or services. Besides, they gave me brochures or flyers but insistent to meet one of at home. Whereas they can just leave that brochures or flyers at the gate.

Not only sales agent, but also beggar or poorman. We have no problems if they are really beggar and have nothing. But we are really consider that many criminal persons now, with various modus. Someday an old man came to my house and he knocked at my house gate. Then my brother met him. The old man told that he want to back at his village. It’s so far, but he don’t have a money. So he asked some money to my brother in order that he can back to his village. Considering this weird thing, my brother just told him if our parent aren’t at home. That’s why he couldn’t give him a money.

Some peoples confess from pesantren ever came to my house. They used Islamic clothes. One of them gave me a paper containing verse of Al-Quran in an envelope. They wanted me to give donation because it will be donated to pesantren and orphan. Besides, donate is recommended by religion. If someone come to me with a reason like this, I feel confuse how to handle it. If I reject it, I don’t know the truth. If I accept to give money, it can be this people just pretend come from pesantren. Finally, I gave him the money but not much.

That’s just some simple cases comes from my house. How about from the outer and when I’m alone? If I don’t know a person and this person comes to me ask some questions, it might be for me to keep distance with that person. I will answer the questions, but i don’t want to make much feedback. It means I will not telling too much. This is my way to keep me safe from criminals.

One day, a mother with her son in sling came to me. She told me that her wallet are gone. Pickpocket take it from her bag. She told me with miserable face. Then she asked money to back home. But, I couldn’t just believe. I told her that I  don’t have money anymore except for ride a bus. Next time, I met the same one. Same person, same son, same bag, and same modus. It seems that she didn’t remind me anymore and I did the same so. That’s quite enough that I really keep distance with foreigner to safe myself from criminals.

In a situation where I must facing somebody compromising like that, I still behave well. My mother ever teach me, when I dislike or hating peoples, keep treat them well. It means in order that you don’t have to make them offended. If you want to reject that, you have to talk or reject it softly. So I can do this by talk not straight to the poin or a little bit lie. Never mind if we lie in this position because it is for something good and we are even not offended that peoples by words. Offended peoples can be dangerous for us.

            I try to keep my eyes normally in facing foreigner like that. I mean I try not show my disliking to the foreigner by wink my eyes or showing tinge above my nose. I’ll try to listen to the foreigner until finished. I’ll try not to snatch what the people say to show that I’m still appreciate. I’ll try to smile, even. But sometimes, it can’t be just do like that. When I meet foreigner suddenly, what appears in my face is a spontantly things. I can’t handle it when I try to focus with other things. It’s like someone offer you a special price for modem, then you will looks busy to think the words to reject it softly. So, you can handle what’s your face will appears on. Even you forget to smile with the foreigner or maybe give a grim smile.

            One thing, I never want to touch somebody that I claim foreigner, except for handshaking. It can be uncomfort me and for the foreigner. It can be impolite too. How can I touch the his/her back or shoulder when we are even not close?

The second things that my mom told was don’t tell anything when parents are speaking. That’s effect enough for me. I think I can’t behave more critical with something, especially with the older one or maybe with someone because I will claim him/her is the expert one. I just believe without knowing what to ask more. Besides, when we are meet my big family and starting a conversation, i choose to silent and just listen. So, my big family know me as calm girl. In my opinion, it’s not my area to speak. There’s an area for me while I’m not with my family. That’s the time to free speaking, without afraid for wrong or impoliteness. For example when I have conversation with my friends or while me and my aunt start a conversation without my parents.

Reference:

Wahyuni, Hermin Indah, dkk. 2009. Intercultural Communication Power Point: Verbal and          Nonverbal Communication, Speech Codes Theory. Yogyakarta: Communication          Science Department of Gadjah Mada University.