Verbal and Nonverbal Communication Around Me

Different culture have different system of meaning or language, which makes it difficult or even impossible to understand each other. Depend on Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis, language “constructs” or creates our social reality (Wahyuni,2009:2). Different family also have different culture to construct or create its social reality. So many values that parents give or teach to their children to make their own culture. This values will be a habitual that practiced every day in each family. That’s how they are create each reality. Those values can be given with various way. It can be nonverbal and verbal communication too.

Nonverbal or non-worded communication includes all communication beyond the spoken or written word. Nonverbal vocabularies are related to contexts (relational, cultural, social, professional and organisational, etc.). Visual communication includes non-worded communication media such as logos, symbols, icons, tables and graphs, photographs, drawings, diagrams, and more. Nonverbal messages are powerful and can contradict or change worded messages they accompany. In face-to-face communication, up to 93% of the message may be in nonverbal signals. Because nonverbal signals are so important, we must pay attention to them (Wahyuni,2009:3).     

Nonverbal communication can be known by some oral nonverbal conventions. For examples (Wahyuni,2009:7-13):

•      Eye contact

Eye contact is a subtle nonverbal convention. It has profound meanings. Meanings can be quite different in different cultures.

•      Facial expressions

Facial expressions are communicate feelings with words or instead of words. Some feelings are not appropriate to show in some cultures (anxiety, anger, disappointment).

•      Gestures

Three types of gestures are head movement, arm and hand movement, and posture. Speakers and listeners may use head nods to mean they are confirming the words.

•      Touching

A widespread example of touching is the handshake. Other touching involves arm and shoulder contact, embraces, kisses and ritual behaviour.

When I was a child, my mother always told me to be careful with foreigner. Even it had been happen until this right time. Especially when someone unknown has urgency in my house. It’s such a sales agent, beggar or poorman, even some peoples from several unknown institution. So much unknown person come to my house and make my family feel disturbed. Then my mother told me do not open the gate and just let the unknown person enter my house before we really know about that person.

In several first months I moved from my old house in Bantul to Sleman, my family really felt uncomfort with some unknown guest that came to my house. Many of them are sales agent. They offered some goods or services. Besides, they gave me brochures or flyers but insistent to meet one of at home. Whereas they can just leave that brochures or flyers at the gate.

Not only sales agent, but also beggar or poorman. We have no problems if they are really beggar and have nothing. But we are really consider that many criminal persons now, with various modus. Someday an old man came to my house and he knocked at my house gate. Then my brother met him. The old man told that he want to back at his village. It’s so far, but he don’t have a money. So he asked some money to my brother in order that he can back to his village. Considering this weird thing, my brother just told him if our parent aren’t at home. That’s why he couldn’t give him a money.

Some peoples confess from pesantren ever came to my house. They used Islamic clothes. One of them gave me a paper containing verse of Al-Quran in an envelope. They wanted me to give donation because it will be donated to pesantren and orphan. Besides, donate is recommended by religion. If someone come to me with a reason like this, I feel confuse how to handle it. If I reject it, I don’t know the truth. If I accept to give money, it can be this people just pretend come from pesantren. Finally, I gave him the money but not much.

That’s just some simple cases comes from my house. How about from the outer and when I’m alone? If I don’t know a person and this person comes to me ask some questions, it might be for me to keep distance with that person. I will answer the questions, but i don’t want to make much feedback. It means I will not telling too much. This is my way to keep me safe from criminals.

One day, a mother with her son in sling came to me. She told me that her wallet are gone. Pickpocket take it from her bag. She told me with miserable face. Then she asked money to back home. But, I couldn’t just believe. I told her that I  don’t have money anymore except for ride a bus. Next time, I met the same one. Same person, same son, same bag, and same modus. It seems that she didn’t remind me anymore and I did the same so. That’s quite enough that I really keep distance with foreigner to safe myself from criminals.

In a situation where I must facing somebody compromising like that, I still behave well. My mother ever teach me, when I dislike or hating peoples, keep treat them well. It means in order that you don’t have to make them offended. If you want to reject that, you have to talk or reject it softly. So I can do this by talk not straight to the poin or a little bit lie. Never mind if we lie in this position because it is for something good and we are even not offended that peoples by words. Offended peoples can be dangerous for us.

            I try to keep my eyes normally in facing foreigner like that. I mean I try not show my disliking to the foreigner by wink my eyes or showing tinge above my nose. I’ll try to listen to the foreigner until finished. I’ll try not to snatch what the people say to show that I’m still appreciate. I’ll try to smile, even. But sometimes, it can’t be just do like that. When I meet foreigner suddenly, what appears in my face is a spontantly things. I can’t handle it when I try to focus with other things. It’s like someone offer you a special price for modem, then you will looks busy to think the words to reject it softly. So, you can handle what’s your face will appears on. Even you forget to smile with the foreigner or maybe give a grim smile.

            One thing, I never want to touch somebody that I claim foreigner, except for handshaking. It can be uncomfort me and for the foreigner. It can be impolite too. How can I touch the his/her back or shoulder when we are even not close?

The second things that my mom told was don’t tell anything when parents are speaking. That’s effect enough for me. I think I can’t behave more critical with something, especially with the older one or maybe with someone because I will claim him/her is the expert one. I just believe without knowing what to ask more. Besides, when we are meet my big family and starting a conversation, i choose to silent and just listen. So, my big family know me as calm girl. In my opinion, it’s not my area to speak. There’s an area for me while I’m not with my family. That’s the time to free speaking, without afraid for wrong or impoliteness. For example when I have conversation with my friends or while me and my aunt start a conversation without my parents.

Reference:

Wahyuni, Hermin Indah, dkk. 2009. Intercultural Communication Power Point: Verbal and          Nonverbal Communication, Speech Codes Theory. Yogyakarta: Communication          Science Department of Gadjah Mada University.

Cross and Intercultural Theories in "Working Girl" Movie

Working Girl is a documentary film about a girl, some women, and a transexual who live with different way and different profession. A girl in this film is Ayu Riana Oces. She was the winner of StarDut, a competition in dangdut singing in a TV station. Since that time, Riana became a famous dangdut singer in local stage to another local stage. Because so many job for her, her academic achievement goes down. Fortunately, she could graduated from her junior high school.

The second story is about some women who live and work for a ketoprak tobong performance group. This group have been lead by Mbah Kakek (correct me if I’m wrong), who always make a big decision for this group. Although working for this job just result some little money, but they keep hold out for this job. As long as it’s legal. They are shy to singing beggar.

The third story tells about Zulfikar or Ulfi’s life. She is a transexual that was born in Aceh and now works in Jakarta as a barber and make up artist in her own salon. Her experience in make up art has carried her to making up famous singer, Shanty. Not only that, now she is commited to socialize about condom using in transexual peoples in Aceh in order to avoiding HIV-AIDS virus between them.

From each stories, Ulfi’s life is my favorite. But all of them is good and tell me about different side of life that I never feel. Even I can analyze it with some theories that I have learned from intercultural communication class.

From Ulfi’s story, I learn about Uncertainty Management Theory. It’s about how Ulfi searching an information about institution that handle transexuals in Aceh. This way is come from her thoughtfulness about some transexuals in Aceh didn’t educated to use condom. Whereas, there are much transexuals in Aceh still work in prostitution or very like to change her couple. All of them are never check her health to the hospital, wether she is got HIV-AIDS or not.

To manage her uncertainty, Ulfi made a rendevouz with her old friend, Lina first. This first step, Ulfi had so many uncertainty. From Lina, Ulfi meet with some transexuals who like to gather in salon. From this transexuals, Ulfi searched some general informations about transexuals in Aceh. From this meeting, Ulfi and a friend of Lina tried to make a solution although it will be hard for them to make a change for transexuals in Aceh. In this step, uncertainty is go down because verbal communication between Ulfi and friend of Lina is increasing. After that meetings, Ulfi called one by one her transexuals friend in Aceh and ask them to check up at hospital. All of her friends reject it, except one. She is Lina. Tomorrow, Ulfi wait Lina but Lina couldn’t come. How dissapointed Ulfi was! But Ulfi never give up. She tried to explore an organization in transexuals empowerment. From this exploration, she found something missing. The organization told there are some peoples and some fund to help any transexuals. Even the routine report always come on time. But, Ulfi found nothing in real before came to this organization. But Ulfi couldn’t stay long in Aceh. She have to go Back in Jakarta. Now, Ulfi still return her effort to help any transexuals from HIV-AIDS in Jakarta with her friends. In this way, Ulfi must be make a self disclosure to make sure the others to change. Self disclosure here is about her past that she is infected by HIV-AIDS.

The second theory I’ve got is Communication Accomodation Theory. Communication Accomodation Theory is a theory told when a speaker make an interaction with another, they have to adjust conversation, vocal pattern, and/or their behavior to accomodate another (West,2010:217). Giles and friends sure that speaker have any reason to accomodate another. Any peoples wish to whip agreement from the listener. Another people want to raise communication efficiency, the others again want to keep positive social identity (Giles, Mulac, Bradac, & Johnson, 1987).

I’ve got Communication Accomodation Theory from the second story about ketoprak tobong performances, “Selama Tidak Ada Angin”. In this story, one of the group told that she ever had a performances in Surabaya. In Indonesian stigma, Surabaya peoples talk rough and using high intonation. So, this group have to be adapted with Surabaya culture in order to make thr audiences interested with their performances. They wish to whip agreement from the listener (the audiences of ketoprak tobong).

Then, I’ve got Expectancy Violation Theory from the first story. This theory state that people have an expectancy about another nonverbal behavior. Burgoon state that unexpected changes that happened in conversation distance between each communicator could make uncomfort feelings or even angry and ambigous (West,2010:154). This thing is happened between Ayah Tito and Riana.

Ayah Tito could called a violator. Tito actually is a foreigner in Riana family. He has no relation to this family. But suddenly he came to Riana. After that, he told to her parent that he had no wife or children. So, since that time Tito had been become foster father of Riana. He always have a good behavior to Riana family. It’s like deliver Riana to another place when Riana have a job, make a record album for Riana, and even pay for Riana education cost in her new high school. So we could be called Tito as a violator because he was enter the comfort distance of Riana family, whereas he isn’t Riana relative. We could say that Tito enter personal life of Riana family. It’s not surprised that Riana father keep be careful with Tito because this reason. Tito came suddenly and without any clear reason to help Riana. Whereas, Riana will be a teenager.

Burgoon and another expectancy violation theory believe that people always want to close with another, but want a distance too. This is really confused but it’s the reality that had been happened to all of us. A little bit people can live separated and many’s the time people need privacy (West,2010:155). That’s why Expectancy Violation Theory learn about Procsemic Zone (correct me if I’m wrong). Procsemic is a science about space usage by somebody. Tito properly in public distance or maximal in personal distance. Public distance is a spacial zone that far is 12 feet or more. It usually used in formal disscusion (West,2010:157). Whereas personal distance is a spacial zone that far is 18 inch until 4 feet (West,2010:156). It usually used between friend and family. But now, he could in intimate distance with Riana. It’s like when Tito touched Riana hand or when Riana sit down on Tito thigh. Intimate distance is spacial zone that very close, about 0-18 inch.

Actually, I’ve found many theories anymore in this film. I’ve found Adaptive Structuration Theory (the case is Mbah Kakek as the leader of ketoprak tobong group have to handle each member and each member have to adapt with what he says), Face Negotiation Theory (Ulfi bought Moslem clothes that not too strict in order to save her image in Aceh), Standpoint Theory (Ulfi’s mother and Ulfi have different thought about live as a transexual), and Muted Group Theory (some transexuals in Aceh couldn’t get health information access because still muted by negative stigma about transexual by wide society). But I think, it’s enough. Thank you.


References:

Giles, H. & P. M. Sith. 1979. Accomodation Theory: Optimal Levels of Convergence. In H. Giles, & R.         N. St. Clair (Para editor), Language and Social Psychology. Oxford: Blackwell.

West, Richard & Lynn H. Turner. 2010. Pengantar Teori Komunikasi Analisis dan Aplikasi Buku 1. Jakarta: Salemba Humanika.

West, Richard & Lynn H. Turner. 2010. Pengantar Teori Komunikasi Analisis dan Aplikasi Buku 2. Jakarta: Salemba Humanika.

 

You're Just Like Kang Shin Woo

Kamu itu terkadang seperti Kang Shin Woo. Kamu cuek sekali dan tidak perhatian di depan umum. Tapi saat waktunya hanya berdua, kamu memberikan perhatianmu itu dengan cara-cara sederhana. Itu pun tak pernah terang-terangan. Kamu selalu terselubung dan telalu misterius untuk memperhatikanku. Cara-caramu tak mampu aku terka dan jelaskan. Aku tahu kamu diam-diam mengamatiku. Kalau aku tidak memperbesar fotomu, mungkin pun aku tak tahu.

Kadang kamu menjajariku. Lalu kita terjebak dalam perbincangan yang awalnya remeh hingga berat sekali. Kamu selalu ada untuk mendengar sedihku, meskipun hanya lewat segumul teks. Memotivasi aku meskipun kamu tak sanggup memotivasi dirimu sendiri dalam keadaan tertentu.

Kamu mencari aku ketika ku tak ada. Itu membuat aku merasa kamu begitu manis.

Yang paling menyebalkan, kamu itu sama mutung-nya ketika Kang Shin Woo membatalkan janji yang dia sendiri buat. Saat dia hendak mengajak Go Mi Nam ke taman bersama. Aku kerap kesal kalau kamu begitu.

Apapun itu, aku tidak mengerti perasaanmu hingga kini. Sungguh kau terlalu misterius. Aku hanya bisa berharap, semoga aku bisa menjadi Go Mi Nam yang memilih Kang Shin Woo. Bukan Hwan Tae Kyung. Kemudian kita terlibat bersama-sama dalam "membunuh anjing". Kamu langsung mengusap rambutku setelahnya seperti aku anjing kesayanganmu.

Atau, mungkin pada tahapnya nanti kamu bisa berubah menjadi Hwan Tae Kyung. Orang yang selalu bertanggungjawab dan melindungiku meskipun aku selalu menyusahkanmu. :))